


Huffling Puffs

by Mkrazy11, thatgirlraconteur



Series: Huffling Puffs [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, K-pop, SHINee, f(x)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-23 14:16:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7466526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mkrazy11/pseuds/Mkrazy11, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatgirlraconteur/pseuds/thatgirlraconteur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Do you wish K-pop was gayer and more magical?<br/>GOOD. So did we. So here is what the members of SHINee and f(x) get involved in during their time at Hogwarts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Getting a Room

It was on a completely unremarkable Tuesday that Onew finally decided, once and for all, that he was done caring about Seamus Finnigan.

“I’m done caring about Seamus Finnigan,” Onew announced at breakfast that morning, apropos of nothing. His friends, in their usual caring way, proceed to continue eating and ignore him completely.

“Good for you,” snipped Key, who had wandered over from the Slytherin table minutes before to pilfer pastries from the Hufflepuff table and never returned to his original seat. Onew noticed that this had become a regular habit, though would never admit it. He valued his life too much for that.

“I mean it this time,” Onew continued as Luna wordlessly reached over him to scoop another spoonful of jam onto her plate. “He doesn’t pay attention to me and I’m sick of it.”

“He’s  _ never _ paid attention to you,” Jonghyun said lightly, “what’s changed?”

“I’ve decided that I need to focus on me for a while,” Onew replied. “It’s been too long since I’ve started this doomed one-sided nonsense and it’s time that I took care of myself, you know?”

“Also, Seamus didn’t see him sitting at our potions table yesterday and sat on him,” Key added. Onew, by way of response, sputtered and nearly choked on his juice in an effort not to let any dribble out of his mouth, with mild success.

“You are a champion among men. Never change,” Jonghyun said, before shoving a croissant in his mouth, grabbing his bag and leaving abruptly from the table. “Salutations,” he remarked, passing Amber on the way out of the great hall.

“Indeed,” Amber replied, giving a stiff faux-bow before approaching the Hufflepuffs. “Key, we’re going to be late.”

“As if I’d show up with a Gryffindor,” Key replied lazily, though without malice. House rivalries, long dead since all of that Harry Potter nonsense, were still something of a long-standing joke through which Gryffindors and Slytherins could tease each other. Amber and Key had taken this tradition beyond that of custom and had turned it into pure art.

“Bitch,” Amber said, “I’ll leave without you.”

“Whatever,” Key said, grabbing his bag. “By the way,” he said, looking in Luna’s direction, “your girlfriend was looking for you earlier. Something about leaving your parchment in her dorm yesterday?”

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Luna said, “that’s my transfiguration essay, I have to turn that in in an hour!”

“So that’s  _ not  _ an innuendo for anything? Hmm,” Onew said.

“Get hip, grandpa,” Luna said, standing and leaving in the same direction as Jonghyun had minutes before.

“I am hip,” muttered Onew, scowling into his oatmeal. The oatmeal did not scowl back.

“Farewell, idiots,” Key said, grabbing one last muffin from the table and shouldering Amber with more force than was strictly necessary. “After you, princess.”

“You are  _ seriously _ asking for it,” Amber hissed.

“You like it.”

“What gave you  _ that  _ impression?”

“Get a  _ room _ , yelled Minho from the Gryffindor table.

“THIS IS A ROOM!” yelled Key, shaking his fist in Minho’s direction.

“Sick burn, bro,” Amber chuckled before grabbing Key’s arm and turning back to the table. “We out.”

“Bye, guys,” Onew said, waving sadly. His grand declaration of the morning had not been met with the reaction he expected

Or, any reaction. Like, at all.

“Looks like it’s just you and me,” Onew said, returning to his oatmeal once more.

“Get a  _ roooooooom _ .”

“GODDAMN IT MINHO.”


	2. Figuring Out What is Wrong with Dean Thomas

**Sulli**

Dean Thomas was standing way too close to Sulli.

It wasn't that he was a bad boyfriend, far from it in fact. He was attentive, handsome, tall, smart, tall, occasionally funny, good at charms and also tall? Did she mention tall?

Because he was tall.

He was pretty great, but there was always been something a little off, something intangible, something…

“Are you ever going to notice that Dean isn’t in this class?” Taemin asked, staring at Dean with an intensity that was slightly troubling. Taemin was nothing if not territorial of his friends.

“Oh, shit. Yeah.” Turning to Dean, she asked, “What are you doing here, exactly?”

“Admiring your beauty,” Dean replied wistfully.

“Ew.,” Taemin muttered, staring resolutely at his desk and absolutely not at them.

“Is there a problem?” Professor Song asked. “Mr. Thomas, what are you doing here?”

“Being a pain in the ass,” Taemin called cheerfully.

“Language, Mr. Lee. Mr. Thomas, out!”

“I’ll miss you,” Dean said, kissing Sulli on the cheek. Even Sulli looked grossed out.

“If you’re quite finished,” Professor Song said, eyebrow quirked in amusement, “let’s get back to the matter at hand. Household charms! They may seem trivial but they _will_ be your most commonly used skill-set in the real world, if any of you are hoping to be married at any point in the future.”

“So does that mean I can be excused?” called Goyle.

“Yes, Mr. Goyle. Apparently repetition does you no good and I cannot imagine the woman who would want to marry you. So, you may as well go elsewhere. Godspeed.”

“Thank you…” Goyle trailed off, clearly unsure as to whether or not he’s been praised or insulted. Professor Song passed Taemin’s desk on the way to the blackboard and, ever-so-stealthily, low-fived him.

Victoria was fucking awesome.

Sulli pretended to sulk though secretly was amused. Charms with Taemin and Victoria (shit, no, Professor Song, she was going to get into trouble if she kept doing that) had rapidly become the highlight of her week since the beginning of term. Something about knowing the professor (and having been drunk with the professor, and having seen the professor attempt to strip a taxidermy bear in a cowboy-themed bar, and having been with the professor when she got married and subsequently divorced…) just made the class seem more…

…hilarious. Besides, Dean (like so many others before him) was clearly a temporary fixture in Sulli’s life.

Very, very temporary.

 _What’s your feeling on Goyle?_ Sulli wrote on the corner of her parchment, before tapping Taemin on the shoulder and passing it over. Taemin read, scrunched his nose and immediately began writing a response. Sulli looked over his shoulder to see what he wrote.

 _Undesirable_.

Snatching the parchment back, Sulli frantically scribbled a response:

_Yeah well I kind of desire him._

_TMI._

_Whatever, like you don’t babble about __________._

Sulli attempted three times to write the name, but for some reason the quill froze every time she attempted to put the words to paper.

“What the hell,” she hissed.

Taemin smirked. “I charmed your quill so you can never write his name.”

“What the hell! Paranoid much?!”

“No paper trails, bitch!”

“Taemin! Sulli!” Professor Song hissed. The two fell silent instantly.

 _Victoria is still scary_ , Sulli privately thought before putting her quill to paper and finally focusing on the task at hand.


	3. To Look Like a Rugby Player

**Amber**

“I hope you know that I trust you, with my life, and that my skepticism in no way betrays that, but why the fuck are there scissors so close to my face?”

Key only stared at Amber in response, freezing for just a moment as his hand inched closer and closer to Amber’s precious hair. Moaning Myrtle, an ever-present nuisance in the girl’s second floor bathroom, only stared from her lofty perch on the top of a toilet stall, observing the impromptu haircut in complete and uncharacteristic silence.

“Seriously,” Amber continued, “ _ why _ ?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Key said lightly, “but it looks like someone tried to perm a dog and burnt off all their hair by mistake.”

“And in what way am I  _ meant _ to take that?” Amber asked, tone angry though the corner of her mouth quirked upwards slightly. For as much as their banter irritated their friends, both Key and Amber knew it contained very little actual malice. Instead, their constant arguing was like a warm, gentle, irritating yet comforting constant in their lives of ever-escalating ridiculousness.

“In the way that means I secretly love you, now hold still and let me at it.”

Amber’s mouth snapped shut, at a loss for what to say and feeling more than a creeping blush inch across her face. She privately thought that Key was well-aware that the occasional sincerity was more startling and more affecting than any quip he could throw at her, but neither ever said as much.

“What about a short thing?” Key asked.

“Like you?” Amber replied.

“Asshole,” Key fired back. “I mean a short haircut. Not boyish, gamine.”

“What in the name of fuck does that mean?”

“Waifish. Tomboy-esque. Androgynous.”

“Talk like a normal person!”

“You know, like a rugby player, but a girl.”

Amber’s flush having sufficiently faded, she rolled her eyes as obviously as she could, and fixed a pointed stare at Key’s own multi-colored, asymmetrical locks. “Says the man who looks like Edward Scissorhands gave him his last haircut.”

“On top of a rainbow!” Key replied happily, before abruptly taking the shears and lopping off one side of Amber’s hair.

“It’s not working.” Both Key and Amber startled and turned to see Moaning Myrtle leaning over the edge of her stall and staring at the two of them with vague interest. 

“What do you mean it’s not working?” Amber tried to ask calmly, though vague notes of hysteria crept in unintentionally.

“I mean, it’s not working for you. You look like an emotionally traumatized poodle.”

“It’s not even done yet!” Key fired back.

“Well go faster!” Moaning Myrtle replied.

“I literally started thirty seconds ago,” Key retorted, turning harshly away from Myrtle and focusing on Amber with an almost scary intensity.

“Rude,” Moaning Myrtle deadpanned before floating over their heads and through the wall towards the Great Hall.

“Think she’s going for a snack?” Amber asked.

Key stared at her. “I’m not going to dignify that question with an answer. Besides, you know her one true love is now gone, so what reason does she have to go socialize?”

“Harry Potter?”

“Snape.”

“Gross. Tough mental image to shake.”

“True that. Now hold still.”

Key placed a stabilizing hand on Amber’s shoulder and she, yet again, felt her face heating up. When asked to explain her consistent and uncontrollable blushing whenever Key so much as paid her the slightest bit of attention, Amber would characteristically reply that the redness was due to rage mixed with Gryffindor pride (an explanation which, if she’s honest, she’s a little surprised her friends didn’t see through.

She needs smarter friends.)

But Amber knew better, and had known better for about two years. Something about the pretty, sassy, asshole Slytherin got under her skin and stayed in a major way, and two years later she was no more aware of how to get rid of the annoying feeling that they’d be good together.

So, so annoying.

“…are you even listening?” Key asked, snapping Amber out of her thousandth daydream about marrying Key in a beautiful yet simultaneously hostile wedding ceremony. With doves. And flowers. And lots of steak.

“Steakkkkk,” Amber replied helpfully.

“Did you just have a stroke? Wait, no don’t tell me. You’re done.”

Amber pivoted and stared into one of the foggy, cracked mirrors and saw, through the bizarre fun-house effect that this particular mirror was displaying, that Key had actually done a good job.

“Of course I did,” Key replied, as Amber realized she was thinking out loud.

“Well, anyway,” Amber said in a panic (how much had she  _ said??? _ ) “thanks for that.”

“Don’t mention it,” Key replied, with a slight smile. “Hey, you look about as boyish now as I do girlish. We actually make two gender-appropriate humans now!”

“Unhelpful,” Amber said, a little sadly. For as much as Key was trying to make her laugh, it was far from the way that Amber secretly hoped they would match.


	4. Meeting the Height Requirements of the Hufflepuff Locker Room

**Jonghyun**

“I don’t get Minho  _ at all, _ ” Jonghyun whined as he slowly, methodically removed his Quidditch pads after practice one day.

“What’s to get?” Luna replied, doing the same in a far more aggressive way, chucking her equipment and beater’s bat into her locker before slamming it shut with more force than was strictly necessary. Jonghyun pitied anyone who underestimated Luna; that girl was a tiny ball of rage wrapped in a pleasant, cheerful package.

Well, mostly cheerful, anyway.

“What’s to get? I don’t know, his stupid jock brain doesn’t seem to understand that we would be  _ perfect _ for each other due to, I don’t know, reasons.”

“Reasons like what?”

“Well, he’s tall, and I also…have height.”

“The height of a prepubescent girl. No offense.”

“Offense!” Jonghyun replied indignantly. “That was insulting.”

“At any rate,” Luna continued, as if not hearing Jonghyun at all, “I don’t see what the big fuss is. You like someone, you tell them.”

“Easy for you to say!” Jonghyun whined. “You’ve already done it! And Krystal is great…you know, for someone with a va-jay-jay.”

“High compliments indeed,” Luna said, picking up her bag and staring at Jonghyun. “Are we leaving any time soon?”

Jonghyun gestured to his full keeper uniform, still on his body despite seemingly ages of unlacing, unclipping and unbuckling all of its component parts.

“I don’t know how you manage to waste so much time,” Luna said, smirking before prodding slightly at a hinge in his uniform. Suddenly, as if by magic, the entire uniform fell off.

“How did you do that? I don’t know that spell.”

“What spell?” Luna said, “I just have a talent for removing clothes.”

“Shocking insight into your relationship,” Jonghyun retorted, miffed at suddenly being clad only in underwear, though not entirely bothered. He was well-aware of how he looked shirtless, and few had complained in the past.

(Damn you, Draco Malfoy, for ruining an otherwise perfect statistic.)

“Are we interrupting something?” sing-songed a voice from behind Jonghyun.

“Hi Krystal,” Luna called over Jonghyun’s shoulder. Jonghyun pivoted, ready to make a joke about his stunning washboard abs and how they were completely wasted on a pair of lesbians, when he suddenly realized that Krystal was not alone.

“Blasdbfa;soduMinho,” Jonghyun spurted, covering his nipples and flushing an impressive shade of red.

“Hi, Jonghyun,” Minho replied, as if what Jonghyun had said was, “Hello Minho, how nice to see you. I am totally normal.”

“I mean, uh, Minho! Nice! I mean, nice to see you? What are you doing! Here. I mean, um, here, you are doing…something? You’re not a Hufflepuff. I mean, you know that, but…just…a reminder? Also, can you be here? Is there a height requirement? Can  _ I _ be here? Also, I am naked.”

“I think I speak for all of us when I say what. The. Fuck,” Krystal deadpanned, before walking over to her girlfriend and kissing her.

“Kissing is nice!” Jonghyun said, panic obvious and present in his tone. God, someone just euthanize him and get it over with.

“I agree,” Minho said politely, with a trained look of patience as if talking to someone who was very, very dim. “We were just coming to find you after your practice to see if you wanted to eat.”

“You were watching us practice?” Luna asked, smiling at Krystal. “That’s so sweet.”

“ESPIONAGE! SUBTERFUGE! LIES!”

“I assure you,” Minho said, “that is most definitely not the case.”

“Gryffindor spy!” Jonghyun replied weakly.

“I’m afraid not,” Minho said. “But good luck in your match next week. Slytherin will be a tough team to take down.”

“Damn straight,” Krystal said, holding up deuces.

“Hey! Show some girlfriendly support!” Luna teased.

“I have to go,” Jonghyun said suddenly, standing and grabbing his bag.

“Like that?” Minho asked, gesturing to Jonghyun’s still half-clothed body.

“Damn,” Jonghyun said by way of reply, grabbing his robes and making a hasty retreat from the Hufflepuff locker room.

“He’s special,” Luna said.

“Indeed,” Minho replied, eyes lingering on the door through which Jonghyun had disappeared seconds before. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” Krystal said, linking arms with Luna before following Minho out the door.


	5. Something About Caterpillars

**Krystal**

Krystal could always find some sort of entertainment at the library, whether it be distracting Luna from her studies or secretly slinging random spells at unsuspecting victims.

Like what she was doing to Cormac McLaggen at that particular moment.

“I swear if you get us banned from the library I will force-feed you a Polyjuice potion made of 'essence of Crabbe,'” Luna said absently, adjusting the hem of her skirt from where it had ridden up (much to Krystal's disappointment.)

( _ It's not leering if it's your girlfriend _ , Krystal reassured herself, before craning her head for a better angle.)

(Okay, it may slightly be leering.)

“I'm not going to get us banned,” she replied, threats being a fairly regular component of their relationship. “And besides, his eyebrows look better as caterpillars.”

Cormac's expression indicated otherwise.

“They've migrated past his hairline and have burrowed into his scalp,” Luna said, though her tone indicated a distinct lack of concern.

“He'll be fine. They're sentient, but friendly. Onto more pressing matters.”

“Such as?” Luna asked, thumbing absently through a history textbook.

“Our demented, yet oddly sweet friends.”

“You're going to have to be more specific.”

“Jonghyun and Minho.”

Luna closed the book, crossed her arms and stared Krystal down. Krystal hated when she did that. “What,” Luna started, “do you think could possibly be gained by meddling?”

“Hear me out,” Krystal pleaded.

“Fine.”

Krystal paused, thinking.

And continued pausing.

For a considerable period of time.

“Is that it?”

“Give me a second!” Krystal hissed back.

“I've given you, like, twenty!”

“Fine,” Krystal huffed. “Look, Jonghyun is clearly a bit special. He's going to need assistance. And while Minho looks normal, I can assure you he is really not. He's remarkably thick-headed, honestly, and kind of a brute when it comes to Quidditch.”

“Sexy,” Luna leered.

“Please, without a vagina he's useless to you. Getting back to my original point, I don't see the harm in...gently pushing them along.”

Luna huffed out a disbelieving laugh. “Please. You've never pushed gently in your entire life. More like shoving forcefully...or Spartan-kicking them off a cliff.”

Krystal feigned disbelief. “Why, Miss Luna, I do de-clare!”

Luna scrunched up her nose. “Please never do that again.”

Krystal's shoulders slumped. “Fine. But do you see my point?”

Luna paused thoughtfully for a moment. “How do you even know Minho's interested?”

Krystal laughed knowingly. “Trust me, he's interested.”

“But  _ how do you know _ ?”

“Minho is desperate. And Jonghyun...isn't terrible looking.”

“What a generous assessment of my housemate,” Luna remarked blandly, though a smile threatened at the corners of her mouth.

“Come on, it'll be fun! Matchmaking for the better good! Besides, if it fails spectacularly well, there's our entertainment for the next few weeks.”

“Slytherin at heart, aren't you?”

“You love it,” Krystal said, shimmying her shoulders at Luna before firing another spell at Cormac over her shoulder. A satisfying grunt of pain followed seconds later and Krystal smirked at a bad job well done.

“You are ridiculous, he's actually turned purple!”

“You bitch!” Cormac yelled across the library, much to the dismay of a certain librarian.

“Mr. McLaggen! For the last time I  _ must _  ask you to keep your voice down!” Madame Pince's voice rang through the library, loud and piercing, and Cormac (and his caterpillars) looked sheepish.

“Honestly,” Krystal said, shaking her head in feigned concern, “the lack of consideration.”

“You are a monster,” Luna replied, before kissing her girlfriend on the cheek and gathering her books. “Shall we?”


	6. People-people

**Taemin**

“Tae-maaannnn, whaddup!” Amber called, fist-bumping Taemin in the middle of a seemingly unremarkable hallway on Hogwarts's seventh floor.

“Yo,” Taemin said, nodding his head and gesturing at Amber's bag. “You got the equipment?”

Amber tapped the bag. “Yep. All set.”

“Awesome,” Taemin said, before the pair of them turned to face the wall and, in perfect unison, began pacing.

“One....two....” Taemin counted aloud.

“Taemin, if you can't count to three in your head there are bigger problems than finding this damn door,” Amber said.

Before Taemin could reply, said door appeared. The two wordlessly picked up their bags and walked through the newly-formed portal and into a large, open room with wooden floors and a wall made entirely of mirrors. A small, Muggle-looking piece of stereo equipment sat in the corner.

“Did you practice?” Amber asked, removing her tap shoes from her bag and setting the duffel on the floor.

“Not as much...” Taemin trailed off sheepishly.

“Slacker,” Amber replied. Both of them knew that it didn't matter; Taemin would pick up whatever Amber had studied in a matter of seconds, a skill that Amber deeply envied (though she kept that to herself.)

“Ready?” she asked, queuing up the music.

“Sure,” Taemin replied, and for a few hours both of them put their worries aside and followed the rhythm of the music, training their feet to do the same.

After both were exhausted, Amber and Taemin collapsed on the floor, their tap shoes making a satisfying banging noise as they sat down.

“Water?” Amber asked, passing her bottle to Taemin, who simply nodded and drank thankfully. They lapsed into a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts, before Taemin finally spoke up.

“So,” Taemin asked, “you're older.”

“Yes,” Amber said, taking the bottle back from him and staring as she took a sip.

“That's cool.”

“Indeed,” Amber said, screwing the top back on and staring at Taemin.

“So like...you have wisdom. And stuff.”

“Some have said so in the past,” Amber replied, smiling knowingly.

“So...”

“Taemin, if you say 'so' one more time...”

“Sorry! Sorry. It's just...I need some advice.”

“From an old person,” Amber supplied helpfully.

“Yes. I mean, no. Just like...from a person-person.”

“Well I  _ am _  a person-person.”

“Great! Yeah, I mean...so. Like. Let's say you like someone.”

“I like someone?” Amber asked as her eyebrows rose slightly.

“No, not  _ you _  you. The universal you.”

“Fine. I'm a person-person but not a  _ you _  you. I'm with you so far.”

“Right. So you like someone, and they're super not helpful about it...”

Amber frowned. “What do you mean, super not helpful?”

Taemin sighed, drew in a deep breath and continued. “It's just that he's kind of oblivious, and I've been doing a lot to drop hints, I mean  _ a lot,  _ and he still doesn't seem to get it. And it's becoming this paranoia thing now because I'm simultaneously freaked out that he's going to know and freaked out that he  _ doesn't  _ know and how messed up is that, right? I mean, I want him to know, but only if he  _ wants _  to know...you know?”

“I can honestly say I don't,” Amber replied. “But if you like Onew, why don't you just tell him? What's the worst that could happen?”

“He could  _ hate me forever _ ,” Taemin hissed, before curling his knees to his chest and hiding his face.

“Aww, sweetie,” Amber said, patting him on the shoulders comfortingly. “It'll be okay.”

“Thanks,” Taemin mumbled, voice muffled by his legs. He paused for a moment, then his head shot back up. “WHO SAID I LIKED ONEW?!”

“Please,” Amber said dismissively, “who else would it be? Seamus?”

“Blech,” Taemin said with feeling. “That guy can suck a bag of dicks.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” Amber laughed.

“How I really feel is that Onew and I would be good together. He's a spaz, but I like that about him. He's thoughtful, and sometimes I can...be less thoughtful, so he'd balance me out. It's like he's the lock, and I'm the...”

“KEY!” Amber shouted, before clapping a hand over her own mouth and flushing an impressive shade of pink.

“Sorry?” Taemin asked.

“Nothing. He's fine. NO. You're fine. Everything is fine!” Amber stood abruptly, gathering her bag. “So... we have stuff to do!”

“Now look who's 'so'-ing all over the place,” Taemin smirked knowingly.

“Shut up! I'm older than you.”

“We established that,” Taemin grinned, following Amber to the door and feeling oddly better about himself in the face of her hysteria. “Glad we don't have to lock up. It's not like the Room of Requirement has a  _ key _ , or anything.”

“You will die at my hands, Lee Taemin,” Amber hissed, whipping the door open and stomping out (a moody outburst somewhat diminished by the  _ tap, tap, tap  _ sounds made by her shoes), allowing the door to swing shut before Taemin could slip out behind her.

“Whatever,” Taemin laughed, following in Amber's wake, his own shoes joining hers in a rhythmic cacophony that followed them down the hallway and into the night.


	7. Reminiscing About All of the Balls in College

**Onew**

It wasn’t that Onew didn’t appreciate Minho’s help. Really, he was thankful. However, as a result of Minho’s height, Onew’s homemade “GO LUNA AND JONGHYUN (AND THE REST OF HUFFLEPUFF!)” sign was distinctly lopsided as Onew has grown weary of standing on his tip-toes to make the long banner level.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to hold the other end?” Taemin asked for the third time, staring up at Minho with an almost pleading look.

“It’s fine,” Minho stared absently, eyes focused intently on the match in front of him.

“Okay,” Taemin said quietly, catching Onew’s eye before shrugging apologetically.

_ That was nice of him, _ Onew thought, smiling a little at Taemin before following Minho’s lead and focusing on the game…

…until someone passing behind him elbowed him in the back of the head.

“OW!” Onew yelped, wincing in pain and turning to scold whoever it was, only to find that it was Goyle, with Sulli in tow.

“Hi guys,” Sulli called cheerfully, waving with the arm that wasn’t threaded through Goyle’s arm. “Have you met my boyfriend Goyle?”

“We all know Goyle,” Taemin remarked blandly.

“I’m Goyle,” Goyle supplied helpfully.

“Goddamn it,” muttered Key darkly from next to Taemin. “In my own fucking house…unbelievable…”

“What was that Key?  _ Isn’t Goyle so lovely? _ That’s what I thought,” Sulli replied, a look of crazed cheeriness plastered across her face. She shoved into the back of Key’s shoulder, and Onew quickly realized who’d hit him before.

“Right,” Key said, wincing and glaring at Sulli (who looked suddenly unphased.)

“Anyway, off to go cheer for the boyfriend’s team! Later guys!”

“You’re disgusting!” Taemin replied cheerfully, waving as Sulli showed him a single-fingered salute.

“Charming, both of you,” Minho said. “Now be quiet so I can hear the commentary.”

“Do you  _ know _ who’s doing the commentary these days?” Onew asked, casting a quick glance to the announcer’s booth where Victoria sat, looking despondent and bored.

“ _ Aaaaand there’s a ball. Oh look, there’s another ball. So many balls. Reminds me of college, am I right? Oh, nope, from the way Professor McGonagall is looking at me, it appears I am not right. Anyway. Quidditch. This is fun! All of the fun, right? _ ”

“Who gave her a job?” Onew asked.

“’Gave’ is such a kind word. More like ‘forced,’” Key remarked helpfully as Taemin nodded solemnly.

“Doing that to McGonagall’s dogs was always going to come back to haunt her someday….” Taemin replied, as Onew’s eyebrows lept in alarm.

“Doing  _ what _ to McGonagall’s dogs?” he hissed.

“Oh look, there’s the snitch!” Minho shouted. The four of them looked upwards to see the Slytherin seeker hurtling overhead towards a small golden orb sailing further into the distance, the Hufflepuff seeker in hot pursuit.

“No no no no,” Onew muttered as the Slytherin approached, moments away from reaching the snitch.

“Come on,” Minho said, staring at the Seekers as they dived towards the winged ball and towards –

“JONGHYUN!” Onew yelled, though there was nothing he could do: the Slytherin seeker had set them on a trajectory for the Hufflepuff goalposts and it was mere moments before he collided with Jonghyun.

“ _ Hooooly shit, is anyone watching this!?”  _ cried Victoria from the announcer’s booth as the boys fell from their brooms, slowing only slightly before hitting the ground.

Minho wasted no time before leaping from his seat, pushing aside Taemin and Key and running towards the pitch. Onew’s eyes welled up as he stared at Jonghyun lying motionless on the grass, legs askew in a truly unnatural way.

“He’ll be okay,” Taemin said, placing a comforting arm on Onew’s shoulder though his expression betrayed real concern. “They put spells on the field so no one can get seriously injured. He slowed down before he landed, he’ll be fine.”

“Right,” Onew said, completely unconvinced.

“Guys,” Sulli said, dropping into Minho’s now vacant seat, “I just broke up with Goyle. He tried to kiss me and, well, it was undesirable.”

“Honestly for the best seeing as he’s a wart on the toe of life, but do you  _ seriously _ not see what’s going on right now?” Key asked, pointing at the field where Jonghyun and the Slytherin seeker were swarmed by professors and students, a tall streak of red and gold standing over where Jonghyun had fallen.

“Holy shit,” Sulli said, face going blank. “When did this happen?”

“About three minutes ago, while you were breaking up with the troglodyte known as your ex-boyfriend,” Key retorted.

“It took longer than I expected. Concepts do not sink in quickly with him…” Sulli continued by way of explanation, though quickly lapsed into silence. In unison, the four of them stood to join Minho in the field, where Jonghyun was lifted away from the chaos and (hopefully) to the hospital bay. 

They would be there when he woke up.


	8. Learning How the Portraits Know So Much

**Victoria**

“When I asked you to show your school spirit and participate in something extra-curricular, this is  _ not _ what I had in mind!” McGonagall roared, and Victoria winced from her seat in one of the impossibly squishy chairs in the headmaster’s office. Snape’s portrait looked on with pure distain, while Dumbledore’s picture stared with a smirk betraying mild amusement.

“It wasn’t my intention to be totally inappropriate,” Victoria said, expression pleading, “it just came out!”

“Like Seamus Finnigan,” Dumbledore’s painting added.

“Right! Like Seamus Finnigan. See, the painting gets it!” Victoria said, saluting Dumbledore's portrait.

The portrait shot her a thumbs up.

“Why Professor Dumbledore is aware of our students and their various…proclivities is a question for another day! Our present concern is as to why, with so much God-given intelligence, you are continuously choosing to waste it on such frivolous living!”

“I’m assuming you’re looking for something more insightful than, ‘Because it’s fun’?” Victoria asked.

“Might I offer a suggestion?” drawled Snape’s portrait from the corner of the room.

“I am afraid I couldn’t stop you if I tried,” Professor McGonagall replied, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Duuunnngeonnnssss,” Snape continued, voice slowing for emphasis as he stared Victoria down.

Victoria stuck out her tongue in response.

“Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans!” Dumbledore added. “They’re not all pleasant, I assure you.”

“I always knew I liked you,” Victoria said.

“It’s like working in circus some days,” McGonagall muttered to herself, walking behind her desk and sitting down with her head in her hands. “I suppose, as punishment must be leveled, we shall have you….supervise detention for the remainder of the year.”

“That doesn’t sound so awful,” Victoria said thoughtfully. “I can live with that.”

“You should know, Professor Song,” Snape continued in his low baritone, “that Goyle has been given detention for the next two months following a rather unpleasant…. _ slug incident _ in the Herbology room. He thought it was his ex girlfriend, or something.”

“WHY DO THE PORTRAITS IN THIS ROOM KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT OUR STUDENTS?” roared McGonagall, sitting bolt upright.

“The Fat Lady is a bit of a gossip, it must be said,” Dumbledore said wisely. Snape nodded solemnly in response.

“And who, exactly, is  _ her _ informant?” hissed McGonagall.

“Peeves,” Dumbledore quipped.

“I see what you mean about the circus thing,” Victoria said quietly. McGonagall simply nodded.

“Professor! Professor!” called a voice from the stairwell. McGonagall rose in response as the door open and Taemin and Sulli stumbled in.

“Yes, what is it?” McGonagall asked.

“No, not you! I mean….um…sorry, Professor McGonagall,” Sulli mumbled sheepishly. “We were actually here looking for Vic-“ 

“Professor Song! You’re here! Wonderful!” Taemin said loudly over the end of Sulli’s sentence.

“What’s the word, hummingbird?” Victoria asked. Snape exhaled loudly through his nose.

“Jonghyun’s awake,” Taemin said, smiling slightly.

Without saying a word, Victoria leapt from her seat and dashed out of the classroom, Taemin and Sulli muttering hasty goodbyes to Professor McGonagall before following behind her.

“She has dedication,” Dumbledore remarked sagely.

“Indeed,” Snape said, echoing his sentiment disdainfully.

“The day that I ask for either of your advice will be the day that hell has frozen over,” McGonagall said, before following Victoria, Taemin and Sulli to the hospital wing (and shutting the door so forcefully that it rattled the paintings on the wall.

Serves them right.)


	9. No Longer Being in Denial

**Minho**

For a Gryffindor, Minho had a surprising amount of patience.

It is only due to this patience that he found himself still sitting in the hospital wing, days after Jonghyun had been injured, watching him sleep.

Jonghyun had woken up a few hours after he was knocked unconscious by a rogue Slytherin but had been sleeping about 14 hours a day since that time due to a certain healing potion Madam Pomfrey continuously administered to her (extremely docile) patient.

To a less informed observer, what Minho was doing could be interpreted as creepy. Minho was not unaware of this. However, he tried sleeping in his dormitory the night after Jonghyun was injured and layed in bed awake the whole time. At least this way, he could get some modicum of sleep.

(Amber had approached him about this one night, as he paced the Gryffindor common room, trying to tire himself out.

“Jonghyun?” she asked. Minho only nodded glumly.)

Truth be told, Minho wasn’t entirely sure why he was there in the first place. There was something weirdly appealing about Jonghyun, despite the verbal diarrhea and general lack of social grace. Jonghyun possessed a certain oblivious warmth that Minho found somehow appealing, and he couldn’t deny that Jonghyun was attractive, but it was more than that. 

Minho had always had a protective streak, and Jonghyun was bringing it out in him more than usual.

“Still here?” called a voice from the doorway. Minho turned in his seat next to Jonghyun’s bed to find Key leaning against the doorframe of the Hospital Wing entrance, staring at Minho and Jonghyun.

“Well, denying it would be pointless,” Minho replied.

“It would,” Key agreed, before walking into the room and pulling a chair up next to Minho. The metal of the chair against the stone Hospital Wing floor made a horrible screeching noise, and Minho privately wondered how Jonghyun was still sleeping.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Minho remarked blandly.

“I do,” Key singsonged, smiling a little at his friend. “And if you don’t, you’re dumber than I thought.”

“I’m not dumb.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Key soothed, voice patronizing.

“But I’m not sleeping at night,” Minho said.

“That sounds like a ‘you’ problem, not a ‘Jonghyun’ problem.”

“What are you, Mr. Miyagi?” Minho asked.

Key stared at him. “I don’t know what that is but I’m assuming it’s stupid. Regardless, you need to own up to some stuff. Sitting and sulking isn’t helping you, or him.”

Minho stared blankly ahead for a few long moments, then finally said: “So, I like Jonghyun.”

“Wonderful,” Key said dryly, picking at his cuticles, “you are now aware of what we all already knew.”

“You’re kind of a jerk,” Minho replied.

“Yeah, but you deserve nothing less,” Key said, crossing his leg to retie his shoe. “Owning up to your feelings will help in the long run, I swear.”

“Really? How’s that going with Amber? Still pretending you hate her?” Minho asked lightly.

“You shut your whore mouth,” Key snipped back, foot landing on the floor with a loud  _ thud _ before turning to look at Jonghyun. “At least my unrequited lust object has an IQ over 70.”

“Hey! Jonghyun’s not that dumb! He just spazzes out a bit more often than a normal person. You know, like a puppy.” Minho said defensively.

“Shit, you do have it bad,” Key laughed, causing Minho to smile as well. Key clapped him lightly on the shoulders. “Come on, it’s late. Let’s go harass some house elves for a snack and head to bed.”

“Fine,” Minho said, taking out his wand and muttering something under his breath.

“What’s that, what did you just do?” Key asked quickly, suddenly looking nervous. “If my nose falls off or I grow a tooth out of my no no square --”

“I just want to know when Jonghyun gets up,” Minho replied sheepishly, which prompted an eyeroll from Key.

“So pathetic,” Key muttered, grabbing Minho’s arm and tugging. “Let’s go.”

The two walked out in silence, closing the door behind them. As the door shut, Jonghyun’s eyes opened.

“What. The. Fuck,” Jonghyun said out loud, the question echoing against the marble walls as he scooted further under the covers and let out what could only be described as a girlish squeal.


	10. The Noninvolvement Policy

**Luna**

On any given Sunday afternoon, sometime between lunch and supper and during the warmer months of the year, one could always count on Luna to be sitting under the large tree next to the Great Lake, studying as the Giant Squid splashed happily in the water. She found the spot to be peaceful; as much as she loved her friends, she also needed small respites of silence. Krystal knew this, and mostly left Luna alone during this time. It was entirely hers.

Smiling to herself, she leafed through her Divination notes from the week before. She was considering the topic of her next paper, blank parchment in hand, when a sudden loud noise coming from the direction of the hill up to the school interrupted her thoughts.

“Luna?” a voice called. Luna sighed, put her notes down and turned to see Onew approaching her, smiling sheepishly and brandishing a croissant.

“Yes?” she asked slowly.

“Hi...Luna. Sorry. Um...listen, I know it’s your study time, but I was hoping we could have a chat...you know, Hufflepuff to Hufflepuff.” He paused, sticking out the croissant. “I brought you this as a peace offering.”

“Your offering has been accepted,” Luna said, tone benevolent, before grabbing the croissant and shoving it in her mouth. “Proceed,” she said through a mouthful of bread.

“So...I’m having some issues getting over the whole...Seamus thing.”

“I thought you were done with that?” Luna said inquisitively. “Remember? The whole announcement at breakfast thing?”

“Oh my god you  _ were _ listening!” Onew exclaimed happily.

“Yes. So I’m not sure what the problem is.”

“Well,” Onew continued, “it’s just that...he’s still most of what I think about, even though I know intellectually it’s not going to work. He sat on me. Twice. And I don’t think that’s what love is.”

“That’s not even what human decency is,” Luna added helpfully.

“Right! So I just...need to move on. But I’m not sure how.”

“Listen,” Luna said gently, “I take a pretty strict policy of noninvolvement in my friend’s love lives. Meddling helps no one, despite what Krystal thinks. But, if you want my advice, Huff to Huff, I say you’re not gonna move on until you find someone new. LIke...someone you feel comfortable with. Someone who does nice things for you, and is nice  _ to  _ you. Someone who you like spending time with.”

“I see,” Onew said thoughtfully. “Do you have anyone in mind?”

“Think about it,” Luna said grinning.

“Oh, there you guys are,” Amber called from a distance, jogging up to where the two of them were sitting.

“Amber….hi! I didn’t expect to see you here,” Luna said, tone confused.

“Yeah,” Amber wheezed, slightly out of breath. “I just wanted to run something by you, and I figure...you’re smart and insightful, you’ll get it.”

“That’s very kind,” Luna said, “however, I have no idea what you’re talking about, so you may need to shed some insight.”

Amber looked suddenly panicked, glancing from Onew to Luna, and back again. “Um...so...I know all about your policy of not interfering --”

“Noninvolvement,” Luna corrected gently.

“Right. That. So...I’m sorry to ask about this but…” Amber slowed as she looked at Onew. “Can you like, cover your ears or something?”

“What? No! Why?” Onew asked, and Amber huffed out a breath of annoyance.

“Fine. Whatever. Okay, so I’m sure Krystal told you about the thing...you know, the thing. I have. With someone...a person you know. That thing. Anyway, so the thing is being so...you know...and I just can’t with it because it’s like, why? And also what? But I’m not sure like, how to show how I...you know, think or whatever, and it’s like...confusing…”

“It’s definitely confusing,” Onew said, scratching his head a little.

“Even if I knew exactly what you were talking about, which, incidentally, I don’t, I really can’t help you. You’re going to have to just figure it out.”

“Oh, so Krystal didn’t tell you?” Amber asked. “Huh. That’s surprising.”

“She might have,” Luna admitted. “I sometimes tune in and out of her gossip rants.”

“What a great relationship,” Amber remarked sarcastically.

“MY RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED,” Sulli cried, appearing suddenly from behind them with a look of pure despair on her face.

“Now where the hell did you come from?” Luna asked, growing irritated.

“I was walking and saw you dumb dumbs sitting over here. I just had to get away from Draco for a minute,” Sulli sulked, plopping down in the grass next to them.

“Not okay,” Luna muttered.

“What were you doing with Draco?” Amber asked.

“Dating him?” Sulli said, though it came out as more of a question than anything else. Luna simply pinched the bridge of her nose in response.

“Gross. Why?” Onew said, with feeling.

“He’s not gross!” Sulli replied. “He has sexy moments! Like when he’s not talking, or when he’s just finished re-bleaching his hair! Come on Luna, back me up.”

“Thing one: lesbian. Thing two: POLICY. OF. NONINVOLVEMENT.” Luna replied bruskly.

“Goyle introduced us!” Sulli continued, as though she hadn’t heard her. “Although, I don’t think this is exactly what he had in mind…”

“Gee, and it’s not working out? Color me shocked,” Amber said. Sulli glared at her.

“Move on,” Onew said.

“Agreed,” replied Amber. “He’s nasty. Date someone better. Like a Gryffindor!”

Sulli thought carefully. “Hmmm….is Seamus still single?”

“NO!” barked on Onew, clapping a hand over his own mouth in surprise.

“Hey, isn’t that Minho?” Amber said, pointing into the distance. “Let’s look at Minho...and forget this conversation has ever happened.”

“Luna,” Minho said, smiling as he approached. “How are you today?”

“I’ve been better,” Luna said, voice thin and impatient.

“Cool! So...I like Jonghyun.”

“POLICY OF NONINVOLVEMENT!” Luna shrieked.

“Pardon?” Minho asked, startled.

“Enough of this!” Luna hissed. Her friends stared at her in mild alarm as Luna took out her wand and muttered  _ sonarus _ under her breath.

“KRYSTAL! YOUR ASSISTANCE IS NEEDED AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S LAKE SPOT! KRYSTAL!” Her voice boomed over the Hogwarts grounds. Several long moments passed before Krystal flew overhead on her broom, landing softly in a patch of grass near where they sat.

“Greetings! The doctor is in the house,” Krystal leered, pulling a stack of Luna’s textbooks over and sitting down on them. “What ails you all?”

“Um…” Onew trailed off, eyes shifting hesitantly between the two girls before him.

Luna glared at him. “I wash my hands of all of this. Talk to Krystal, or talk to no one.” Krystal nodded solemnly in response.

“Fine,” Onew said, turning to Krystal. “So, this Seamus thing is still bothering me, and it’s starting to hurt my feelings that’s he’s so indifferent and so--”

“I’ve heard enough,” Krystal replied. “You were never dating him and are verging on stalker status. Time to move on. Bang a young hottie. Someone who’s got that dancer bod, yo!”

“Who would that be?” Onew asked, and Luna slapped her own forehead in frustration.

“Can’t spell out for you dumbass, figure it out!” Krystal replied happily before turning to Amber. “Next!”  

“Okay,” Amber started slowly, “you know the thing we talked about? With the thing?”

“Yes. Of course. The thing!” Krystal said. “How’s that going?”

“How’s  _ what _ going,” Onew hissed to Luna, who shot him a death glare back.

“ _ You _ have brought this upon me,” Luna muttered angrily. Onew fell silent.

“So,” Amber continued tapping the tips of her index fingers together, “it’s just...making me crazy, and I’m wondering if it’s time to, you know…”

“Oh, it’s totally time!” Krystal said.

“You think so?”

“It’s been that time for about a year now,” Krystal said soothingly, patting Amber on the back. “Godspeed.”

Behind them, Onew blinked frantically, opening his mouth several times as if to ask a question before his jaw finally clamped shut.

“Should I break it off with Draco?” Sulli interrupted.

“Sulli!” Krystal exasperated.

“Okay. FIne. I’m doing it now,” Sulli huffed and started walking away.

Krystal began rolling her eyes before turning to Minho.

“I like Jonghyun,” Minho repeated.

“That seems self-explanatory. And also super obvious.”

“I should ask him out?” Minho asked. Krystal went over and patted his head.

“My work here is done,” Krystal said, picking up her broom and saluting them all. “I leave you with my wisdom. Good luck to you all!” She kicked off the ground and flew away, blowing Luna a kiss and singing as she flew off.

“Your girlfriend is insane,” Amber said.

“Get the hell away from me, all of you,” Luna replied.

“Done,” Onew said, standing and grabbing his bag. “Remind me to never ask you for advice again.”

“AS IT SHOULD BE!” Luna called to their backs as they retreated, rather quickly from where she sat.

Too agitated to focus on her work, Luna slammed her notes shut and saw that the Giant Squid was watching her sympathetically.

“I guess they’re not that dumb,” Luna said, and the squid blinked before swimming away, dousing everyone near the lake with its splashes. “Classic squid,” she said to herself before grabbing her books and following in the direction of her friends.


	11. The Uber Chapter

**All**

Having been banished from her spot of solitude, Luna found herself later that evening sitting down in the kitchens, warming herself next to the fire as obliging house elves scurried to find her snacks (puff pastries...damn if they didn’t know what she liked.) Staring at the fire, Luna’s gaze unfocused into a comfortable stare as she thought about the events of the afternoon. She frowned a little, thinking of her friends and their desperate need to involve her in  _ everything  _ they did, and Luna was still sulking as Krystal plopped down next to her several moments later.

“Penny for your troubles, bubbles?” Krystal cooed at her girlfriend.

Luna scowled. “I wash my hands of all of the nonsense.”

“What nonsense?”

“All of it! Any of it! Ugh.” Luna’s shoulders folded inwards and she scuffed her toe on the ground.

“For fuck’s sake,” Krystal sighed, “I don’t get this whole non-involvement thing. They’re our friends! As good friends, it’s our obligation to help them out in times of stress and woe.”

“Woe?” Luna asked incredulously.

“That’s what I said  and I’m sticking with it.”

“Fine,” Luna said, “but meddling has backfired in the past. Remember that thing with Blaise Zabini?”

“In fairness,” Krystal argued, “I  _ genuinely  _ thought the Grey Lady would be interested!”

“Well she wasn’t,” Luna replied, “and now whenever Blaise wanders past the Ravenclaw common room entrance it’s super awkward.”

“How awkward?”

“Suuuuuuuuuper awkward.”

“But these are our friends!” Krystal replied, grabbing Luna’s shoulder emphatically. “This isn’t a joke to me! I want to see them happy!”

“I don’t know…” Luna trailed off.

  
  
  


“I don’t know…” Onew said, staring at Taemin as he brandished two broomsticks. “I saw what those things did to Jonghyun, and it was not pretty.”

Taemin stared as they stood in the middle of the Quidditch pitch, panicking internally. It had taken so much of his nerve to ask Onew to even hang out, and now he was seconds away from scaring Onew off with his insane idea.

“Um...it’ll be fine?” Taemin said hesitantly.

Onew looked unconvinced.

“Look, it’s not that hard. We’ll stay low to the ground, okay? I put a handicap on yours, it’ll only go about five feet off the ground until you’re ready.”

“Really?” Onew asked, surprised. “How did you do that?”

“Um...a spell I know,” Taemin said, looking at the ground. He did not have the heart to tell Onew that it was just a child’s broom.

“Fine. I can probably handle that, right?” Onew pulled his house scarf so it sat tighter around his neck, took one of the brooms out of Taemin’s hands and gave him a brave smile. “Let’s do this.”

“You sure?” Taemin asked.

“Totally. It’ll be fine.” Onew tried winking, but blinked both eyes instead (both eyes out of unison somehow, which Taemin had thought impossible until that moment).

“Alright. So...what you’re going to want to do is put the broom between your legs, straddle it about midway up the broom and kick off when you’re ready.”

“I don’t have to put it on the ground and say ‘up’?” asked Onew, eyebrows raised.

Taemin scoffed. “That’s first-year garbage, and I assume you are old enough to be able to bend over and pick up a broom.”

Onew pouted. “I’m not  _ that _ old,” he whined childishly.

Taemin struggled to cover his smile. “Right. Anyway, whenever you’re ready.”

Following Taemin’s instructions, Onew sat on the broom and took a deep breath. Then, as if bracing himself, he closed his eyes…

...and pushed off.

“EYES OPEN!” Taemin shouted.

“IT’S SCARY!” Onew shouted back as he squeezed his eyelids tightly shut. Hovering about four feet off the ground, Onew finally opened his eyes as the broom started slowly edging forward. “How do I make it stop moving?!” Onew cried.

“Just lean backwards! You’re leaning too far forward onto your broom, lean back a little and you’ll slow down.”

“Got it!” Onew called, leaning back sharply and promptly flipping off the broom and onto the ground.

“Holy shit!” Taemin yelled, running over to where Onew fell. “Are you okay?”

Onew sat up slowly and, opening his mouth, started to speak. “BLAUGHAUGHHH,” he spluttered, the wind knocked completely out of him.

“Easy, easy,” Taemin said softly, rubbing Onew’s back and trying desperately to ignore the warm feeling pooling at the bottom of his stomach.

“Sorry. I think there was a reason that Madame Hooch failed me my first year,” Onew said, blushing slightly and staring up at Taemin. Their eyes met and suddenly Taemin was sure he was completely red for how hot his face felt. Despite this, he couldn’t bring himself to look away.

“What was I saying?” Taemin asked.

“Nothing, Taemin,” Onew said, grinning a little. “You were saying nothing.”

  
  
  


“Still saying nothing?” Minho asked, pulling the blanket tighter around Jonghyun’s shoulders as they sat on the balcony of the Astronomy Tower, staring out into the night as a cool breeze brushed past them.

“It’s pretty!” Jonghyun offered by way of explanation. “I dropped Astronomy after my fourth year, it’s been awhile since I’ve been up here. It looks different when I’m not doing homework.”

“Thought you might need a change of scenery,” Minho said smiling. “You’ve been in the hospital wing for a few weeks now.”

“Apparently I’m a slow healer!” Jonghyun said, as proudly as one might say, “I’m good at chess,” or “I’m an honor student.”

“That’s good to know,” Minho said, staring intently at Jonghyun’s face. 

Jonghyun stared back for a few long moments before breaking eye contact. “Why do you always do that?” he asked, blushing.

“Do what?”

“Just...staring at me.”

“I don’t,” Minho said, confused.

“You’ve literally been doing it for two weeks!” Jonghyun argued.

“And...how would you know that? You’ve been asleep most of that time,” Minho said sneakily, staring Jonghyun down.

“Um...just...hearsay? I think Madame Pomfrey was creepin’...or something. Anyway, not important.”

“I disagree,” Minho said gently, grinning a little. “Were you perhaps, I don’t know,  _ awake _ for some of that time?”

Jonghyun spluttered, grabbing his blanket defensively as his feet dangled frantically over the ledge of the balcony where they sat. “What! No. I...what? No! Of course not. Who’s awake, what is awake even? You’re dumb, shut up. You’re awake. YOU!”

“That makes no sense,” Minho said quietly.

“Your face makes no sense,” Jonghyun muttered, staring down at his hands lying folded in his lap.

Minho reached his hand out to Jonghyun’s cheek and turned his head so they were eye to eye. A heartbeat later, Minho was kissing him.

_ ‘Whaaaaat _ ?’ Jonghyun’s brain feebly supplied, though that thought was quickly replaced with, ‘ _ yessss’ _ as Minho kissed him, again and again, for what felt like eternity…

(...but was actually just a few minutes.)

When they finally separated, both a little out of breath and dazed, Jonghyun looked at Minho’s face and said, “Fine, your face makes some sense.”

“Exactly what I was hoping to hear,” Minho whispered, before leaning in again.

  
  
  


“This is  _ not  _ exactly what I was hoping to hear today,” Key muttered as he directed his Knight to A5. The stone piece moved at his command, the soft scrape of stone lost behind the noise of the school choir which was, inexplicably, practicing in the Great Hall not thirty feet away from where Key and Amber sat, attempting to play wizard chess.

“Just ignore them,” Amber said, clearly distracted. She absently ordered a Rook into position, and Key claimed it just as quickly.

“What’s with you today?” Key asked, slightly concerned. Amber had barely said anything since they’d sat down, and seemed to be completely checked out of their conversation.

“What? Nothing, I’m fine.” Amber kept her stare fixed on the chessboard, though Key had the distinct impression that despite this, Amber’s focus was not on the game.

“Right,” Key drawled lazily, commanding his Bishop into position to claim Amber’s Queen. 

Amber looked unruffled. “Sorry, weird day,” she muttered as a half-hearted excuse.

“Wanna share?” Key asked, smiling a little.

Amber shook her head. “Nah. It’s cool.” She suddenly sat upright, a forced smile on her face. “‘So, big plans this weekend?”

Key stared at her. “Um...I was planning on doing the same thing I do every weekend…”

“That being…”

“Judging first years and attempting to find the secret corridors out of the castle,” Key replied automatically.

“Right. That sounds….fun. Yep.”

“What about you?” Key asked absently.

“Me? What? Um….well, nothing. Nothing special anyway. That is...unless….”

“Your turn,” Key said, interrupting Amber.

“Huh? Oh! Right! Sorry. Um...Rook to B6.”

“I took both of your Rooks,” Key said softly, tone concerned. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m doing nothing!” Amber said. “I mean...nothing this weekend, anyway.”

“We established that,” Key replied slowly.

Amber huffed out a breath, clearly frustrated. “Nevermind. Whatever.”

“Are you...did I do something to make you mad?” Key asked.

“No! It’s fine. I’m sure exploring the castle all by yourself is going to be incredibly satisfying. Certainly more fun than socializing or doing something different for a change, but whatever. Your call. Hope you don’t get murdered by any errant ghosts, I hear they get hostile when they’re disturbed after long periods of being left alone.”

“That sounds like garbage,” Key retorted, suddenly irritated. “Where did you even hear that?”

“Defense Against the Dark Arts class,” Amber shot back, “which you would know if you even paid  _ a little _ bit of attention.”

“I pay attention!” Key barked back. The choir suddenly fell silent.

“Whatever,” Amber hissed, her chair making a loud scraping noise as she pushed it back behind her. “I’m going to the Gryffindor common room.”

“Have fun,” Key called after her as she stormed off. “I heard the password just changed to ‘buttrocket,’ because you Gryffindors are so high-brow.”

Amber didn’t dignify that comment with a response; merely shot a glance back at him. Key was surprised to see that she looked more hurt than angry.

“What the fuck,” Key muttered to himself.

“Mr. Kim! Did you just swear? 10 points from Slytherin!” Professor McGonagall said, materializing behind him.

“Yes ma’am,” Key mumbled, and put his head in his hands.

  
  
  


“Yes ma’am!” Sulli said, saluting to Victoria as she stood from her seat on her single bed in the Ravenclaw dorms, reaching for a bag under her dresser.

“None of the gross nut-flavored ones. Pure chocolate,” Victoria warned. 

Sulli nodded as she pulled her bag of contraband candy out from under the large wooden chest, handing Victoria a Cadbury bar. “Here,” Sulli said, handing it over.

Victoria grabbed it and smiled happily, curling her legs under her. “You’re the best, thank you so much!”

“Hey,” said Padma, coming up the stairs suddenly. “Professor? What are you doing here?”

“Just doing some regular checks!” Victoria yelled, panicked. “Making sure everything’s in order, you know how it is! Just doing my business. Business things.”

“She’s eating some chocolate and bitching about her job,” Sulli supplied, to which Padma nodded.

“Got it. Have fun,” she called, grabbing a book from off her desk and heading back downstairs.

“Ten points to Ravenclaw for honesty, “ Victoria said, shoving a large piece of chocolate into her mouth.

“Much appreciated,” Sulli grinned, sitting back down.

“So,” Victoria said, turning to face her. “Update me on the list. Who’s new this year...Goyle?”

“Done. Weirdly hot, totally gross. Required lots of showers,” Sulli said, cringing.

“Fair enough. Draco?”

“Done. Too high-maintenance and also, possibly evil?”

“Definitely evil,” Victoria huffed, laughing. “Who else?”

“Dean Thomas. So done. Too clingy.”

“But so handsome,” Victoria said dreamily.

“Right. Super handsome but just...not worth it.”

“Is that all for this year?” Victoria asked, surprised. “Slow year for you.”

“Not entirely,” Sulli said slowly, looking a little sheepish.

“Who else?” Victoria asked.

“Cormac McClaggen?”

“Ew! No!” Victoria said, with feeling.

“That’s why I didn’t tell anyone! Also, I thought I had a brief thing with Onew.”

“Isn’t he gay?” Victoria asked.

“Yep. Hence why it didn’t work out,” Sulli said.

Victoria stared at her. “You...are either impressive, or impressively insane.”

“Why can’t I be a little of both?” Sulli said grinning.

“You’s a boss. Ass. Bitch.” Victoria said with feeling, putting down her chocolate to fist bump her favorite student-slash-friend.

“Damn straight,” Sulli said, bumping her back.

  
  
  


“You know,” Luna said thoughtfully, as she bit into the last bit of pastry. “You may have a point.”

“Bunch of idiots, the lot of them,” Krystal said, tutting softly. “They should be so lucky to have our help.”

Luna sighed, brushing crumbs off her lap. “Fine. You win. Let the meddling commence.”

Krystal’s grin spread slowly and slyly across her face, and suddenly Luna was reminded that she was dating a Slytherin. “We start tomorrow,” Krystal said dramatically.

(Luna suddenly, and not for the first time, regretted her choice in girlfriends.)

  
  
(But whatever. She was super hot.)


	12. Tutting About Lobotmies

**Key**

After laying in his bed for five straight hours, Key decided that babies had it right: the fetal position was vastly underrated. Going into his sixth hour, Key had no intention of moving and instead heaved a deep sigh as he burrowed further into his blankets.

Key had heard, many times in the past, that grief was comprised of five stages. He had worked through denial ( _ Amber is  _ not _ mad at me _ ) and anger ( _ screw her, what does she even know _ ) and was now firmly set in depression. 

This didn’t go unnoticed.

“What’s going on with you?” asked Jonghyun, sitting down beside Key on his bed.

“This is the Slytherin dormitory,” Key replied sadly. “How did a dumb Hufflepuff like you get in here….”

“That lacked any malice and was completely non-threatening,” Jonghyun replied sympathetically. “I’m concerned.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Key pouted, grabbing an overstuffed toy bear and snuggling into it. Jonghyun immediately yanked it out of his hands. “Rude,” Key whimpered.

“What’s gotten into you?” Jonghyun asked patiently. “It’s Saturday night and you’re not attempting to trick Onew into going into the forbidden section of the library.”

“I do love doing that,” Key muttered. “Last time he went in because I told him that Taemin was trapped in there…”

“Telling. Very telling,” Jonghyun said, rolling his eyes. “I hate seeing you like this, and Krystal said you won’t tell her anything. What gives?”

“Leave me alone,” Key said, rolling over and shoving his face into his pillow.

Jonghyun sighed again. “Don’t make me do this.”

“Do what?” Key replied, though it may have been slightly muffled.

A moment passed, and before Key could ask for further clarification he felt a short, stocky weight sink into his lower back. Jonghyun was sitting on him. He had officially reached a new low.

“I will murder you,” Key wheezed.

“You won’t,” Jonghyun retorted calmly, “and I’m not getting up until you tell me what’s going on. So spill.”

“Shouldn’t you be somewhere shoving your tongue down Minho’s throat?” Key hissed.

Key swore he could feel Jonghyun smiling. “There’s that characteristic malice! More of that, please, as well as a bit more truth.”

Key groaned. “I’m fine, it’s...whatever! Amber was just a bitch the other day and it’s….whatever.”

Jonghyun tutted; Key couldn’t see but he was sure that Jonghyun had the same patronizing smirk on his face that he’d worn the one time he’d bested Key in Wizard’s Chess.

(And it  _ really  _ had only been one time!)

“Still not coming to terms with it?” Jonghyun asked, tone patronizing.

“Come to terms with what?” Key retorted.

“Your feelings for Amber.”

Had Key been able to breathe before, he would’ve stopped in shock. In his present state, Key could only wheeze heavily and tap the mattress as if giving up. Jonghyun rolled off of him.

“Deep breaths,” he said, rubbing Key’s back soothingly.

“Your fault,” Key coughed in reply.

“You just need to talk to her,” Jonghyun said, continuing to rub small circles in Key’s back; Key would be lying if he said that it wasn’t soothing.

“But…” Key trailed off.

“But what?”

Key sighed, then sat up in bed. He felt a chunk of hair sticking up at the back and did nothing to fix it...in his current state, it was just too much to handle. “Look, we got into a fight the other day and it did not end well. It’s never been like this for us. Usually when we fight it’s just...joking, you know? And this wasn’t a joke. This was real, and I have no idea why it happened.”

Jonghyun tutted again, though not unkindly. “You know what might fix this?”

“A freaking lobotomy?” Key replied dryly.

Jonghyun leveled a fairly menacing glare at him (for a Hufflepuff, anyway.) “An actual conversation. Human to human. Amber to Key.”

“Am I sub-human now?” Key asked.

“Shut your dumb sass-face. You know what I mean.”

“What if I just...never talk to her again?” Key asked. “And then she feels so guilty that  _ she’s  _ the one who breaks the silence?”

“I see you’ve moved onto the bargaining phase,” Jonghyun said. “Just one more to go.”

“Until what?” Key asked.

Jonghyun stood, turning to face Key as he straightened his robes. “Acceptance. Talk to her. You guys owe it to each other, and to the legacy of your friendship, to have an honest talk.”

“Whatever,” Key muttered, as Jonghyun moved towards the door. “You’re a dumb Hufflepuff. Who is dumb.”

“And yet, here I am. Standing in the sacred Slytherin dormitory,” Jonghyun replied sweetly. “And how do you think  _ that happened _ ?”

\------

“Thanks for letting me in,” Jonghyun whispered to Krystal as he bolted through the Slytherin common room towards the exit.

“Anytime,” Krystal stage-whispered back, winking as Blaise Zabini leveled a neutral glance at the both of them.

Jonghyun whimpered, whipped open the door and slammed it shut behind him.


	13. Planting Weed and Evil Plotting

**Sulli**

Despite a general air of obliviousness and nonchalance, Sulli had always had a keen knack for arriving exactly on time. Though Sulli had been running a little behind as a result of waking up slightly behind schedule, she made up for it with long strides and her penchant for weaving through crowds, arriving at the doorway to the Herbology Classroom just as a class of fourth-year Gryffindors filed out.

“Miss Choi!” Professor Sprout called, spotting Sulli in the doorway. “Wonderful, you’re here! Would you mind taking a look at the mandrakes, and while you’re at it make sure the bubotuber in the corner is doing alright.”

“Yes, Professor Sprout!” Sulli called back, walking to a concealed cabinet near the back and pulling out her smock and gloves. Yanking them on, along with her safety goggles, Sulli strode confidently over to the mandrakes and picked up the notes she’d been working on a few days prior, reviewing her work and checking their progress.

Much as it surprised some people, Sulli enjoyed spending time in the Herbology classroom. Professor Sprout had noticed in Sulli’s second year that the young woman had a keen knack for magical plants and a way of soothing the more temperamental among them. Since then, Sulli had made it a point to stop by several times during the week and help in any way she could. It was a lovely break from all the chaos that existed in the rest of her day, as her friends rarely bothered her there.

Or so she thought.

“Professor Sprout?” Sulli’s head snapped up and she saw Amber hovering uncomfortably in the doorway.

“Can I help you, Ms. Liu?” Professor Sprout asked, smiling warmly as she set her work aside.

“Professor Song wishes to have a word with you. Something about a fungus in her classroom?”

“Is that blasted thing back again?” Professor Sprout huffed, yanking her gloves off. “When I find the student responsible…”

“Professor Song had similar sentiments,” Amber replied sympathetically as Professor Sprout moved towards the door.

“Ms. Choi! Keep working and I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Yes, Professor,” Sulli said, as Professor Sprout booked a hasty exit. Amber, however, remained where she was.

“Can I help you?” Sulli asked suspiciously.

“Nah,” Amber shrugged. “Just haven’t seen you in awhile, though now I realize it’s because you’ve been nerding out in the Herbology department.”

“Herbs fo lyfe,” Sulli replied.

“Weirdo,” Amber laughed.

“What’s new?” Sulli said, turning back to her mandrakes.

“Oh...the usual.”

“Tormenting first years? Murdering puppies? Planting weed out in the Forbidden Forest?”

“What?” Amber barked.

“Basically what I’m communicating is that I have no idea what ‘the usual’ entails and you may need to elaborate.”

Amber rolled her eyes. “Studying...dancing with Taemin...whatever…”

Sulli nodded, and slowly put down her clipboard. Taking a deep breath, she suddenly smiled and widened her eyes. “Actually,” Sulli said, tone a little too chipper, “there  _ is _ something I’ve been wanting to ask your opinion on.”

“Sure, shoot.”

“Well, I like a guy...and I’m thinking about making the first move.”

Amber rolled her eyes again. Sulli would be offended but honestly, she had no grounds. “What’s the issue?” Amber asked, tone mocking. “Just ask him out. What’s the big deal?”

“Well it’s kind of awkward,” Sulli said, moving towards Amber and pushing her goggles to the top of her head. “He’s….kind of a friend.”

“A sexy friend?” Amber leered.

Sulli couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. “No! Well...maybe? Later? I don’t know, I’m so confused!” She heaved another dramatic sigh, plopping into a nearby desk chair.

“Well….who is it?” Amber asked.

Sulli scanned the room quickly, then turned back to Amber. “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”

“Yes. Sworn to secrecy. Blood oath. Whatever. Just tell me.”

Sulli took a deep breath, widened her eyes even further, and said, “It’s…..Key.”

Amber’s expression shifted from mildly curious to carefully blank. Coughing a little, she said, “Oh...um...Key? Wow. I just...yeah. Key.”

Sulli huffed. “You think he’s too good for me?”

“No! Not what I meant, at all,” Amber rushed out, waving her hands and looking panicked. “Just...I’m surprised! That’s all.”

“I don’t know why you’re surprised,” Sulli pouted.

“Because there’s only a finite number of guys who go here?”

“No! Because Key is nice and handsome and he  _ likes  _ me, so why wouldn’t I just go for it?” 

Amber paused at that. “He likes you? How do you know?”

“Well,” Sulli said thoughtfully, “we have been spending a lot of time together and we just...really get along, you know? I don’t know where all this free time has come from, honestly, I never used to see him, but these days it’s like he’s just...freer, you know?”

“Freer,” Amber repeated hoarsely.

“Yeah! And he’s so attentive and lovely. You know, just last week he told me that he’d give me a free haircut! If I wanted.”

“How nice of him,” Amber muttered through gritted teeth.

“Anyway, what do you think? Should I go for it?” Sulli asked, tone hopeful.

Amber stared. And stared. And stared longer. Then, without so much as a word, she pivoted on her heel and walked away.

“Nice seeing you too,” Sulli called sarcastically, pulling her goggles back down.

Seconds later, a new voice echoed through the classroom. “Did it work?”

Sulli laughed, pulling her goggles up again to see Krystal hovering over her workstation, prodding at one of her plants. “Like a fucking charm,” Sulli laughed.

“Good. Phase one complete.” Krystal spoke with the efficiency and clinical disinterest of an evil overlord. Sulli loved the shit out of her.

“Honestly, I have no idea why Amber would even believe that horseshit, I haven’t seen Key in like a week and a half. I thought he was dead. Does he even still go here?”

“Apparently,” Krystal laughed. “I’ll let you know if I need anything else. Enjoy your plants.”

“Yaaaaasssss,” Sulli drawled by way of reply.

People really needed to start giving her more credit.


	14. Getting Terrible Grades and Great Spazz Imitations

**Minho**

Minho had always been a quiet person. He typically spoke only when spoken to, he rarely raised his voice above a low murmur, and he made sure never to use ten words when four would suffice. Minho had never found this to be an issue in his life; on the contrary, people found him to be a good listener and a kind friend, at least in part because he rarely carried his end of the conversation and happened to be friends with several nervous babblers (latest boyfriend included).

However, he did wish, on certain specific occasions, that he was better at carrying a natural conversation.

Occasions, for example, like the one he found himself in at that exact moment.

Minho rarely had reason to visit Professor Song in her office; they were cordial during class and in the hallways on account of her close relationship with Taemin and Sulli but Minho couldn’t remember a single occasion where he’d needed to see her on a one-on-one basis.

Until that precise moment.

“Minho, you know that I want to be here as little as you do,” Victoria sighed, shuffling through some parchment that lay strewn across her desk. “However, your grades are...troubling, and I’d be a bad teacher if I didn’t at least try to figure out what was wrong.”

Minho nodded wordlessly from his chair in front of her desk. Despite the clutter haphazardly placed across its surface, the desk itself was remarkably clean and shiny, and Minho could see his own uncomfortable face reflected in the glossy sheen. He crossed and re-crossed his legs, folding his hands in his lap before deciding, ultimately, to place them back down by his sides.

“This is the part where you tell me what’s going on,” Victoria continued, in the absence of speech.

“Um,” Minho supplied helpfully, pausing to collect his thoughts.

“Um?” Victoria reiterated, frowning a little.

“Um,” Minho replied, before sighing and continuing. “Look, there’s just been a lot going on with me...personally. I’ve been letting it affect my grades. It won’t happen again.”

Victoria’s frown deepened. “Personally? Is there something wrong? Anything I should be concerned about?”

“No.”

“Hmm…” Victoria continued, before abruptly standing and walking around the perimeter of the room, eyes trained on Minho the whole time.

Minho chose to say nothing, as he often did.

“So...are you being bullied?” Victoria asked.

Minho looked up from his reflection in the desk (whose expression had shifted from uncomfortable to alarmed) and finally stared directly at Victoria. “No.”

“Okay, just checking,” Victoria said, holding her hands up defensively. “Are you sick?”

“No.”

“Family troubles?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Friend issues?”

“They’re still psycho.”

“Fair enough. Dietary issues? Exercising enough? Weather got you down?”

“No, no, and it’s spring so no.”

“Then I’m out of ideas,” Victoria said, pacing out of Minho’s line of vision and walking behind him. “So why don’t you fill me in?”

“Just…” Minho trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, it’s embarrassing.

“I’m sure it isn’t,” Victoria’s voice said soothingly from behind him.

“I’d rather keep it to myself,” Minho finally iterated.

“Fine. Then you can serve detention with me next week after dinner, two hours every day. I’ve been meaning to re-shelve some of these books and I could use your height.”

“All week?” Minho groaned, putting his head in his hands.

“Yep. Or,” Victoria sing-songed, finally appearing in Minho’s peripheral vision, “you could just tell me what’s going on.”

“Murpasdhoudasdfadyoug,” Minho muttered.

“Try that again, only take your face out of your hands, please,” Victoria chided.

Minho sat up, looked at Victoria, and gritted, “I’m dating Jonghyun Kim.”

Had Victoria been consuming a warm beverage of some sort, she would’ve chosen that specific moment to choke on it. “Jonghyun? Jonghyun Kim? The Hufflepuff?”

“Yes,” Minho muttered.

“But isn’t he…” Victoria trailed off, making a spastic facial expression and twisting her arms in imitation of, what Minho could only assume to be, a very idiotic person.

“I suppose he is,” Minho said, and the corner of his mouth quirked up despite himself. Even thinking about the spazzy idiot made him smile. He was fucked.

“Oh-kay,” Victoria said, tone a little too high to be natural. “Well. I guess that explains the added stress...to your schedule.”

“Right,” Minho said. He could feel his face burning up. This was humiliating.

“So...you can go,” Victoria said, gesturing to the exit. “It was nice talking to you.”

Minho merely grunted and moved towards the door as quickly as he could. He couldn’t lie to a professor, after all.

And as Minho rushed out of Professor Song’s office, she called after him, “See you next week for detention!”

“Damn it,” Minho hissed under his breath, slamming the door behind him, Professor Song’s chuckles fading behind the solid oak door.


	15. Obscure Notes and Advice from Unlikely Sources

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers! Sorry for the delay. I am am a dumb dumb and forgot to post this, even though this was written two months ago. Read, enjoy, and comment! Love you all. Thanks for sticking with us! Okay BYYYYYYEEEEEEE!!!!

Taemin

Taemin hated taking Divination with the Hufflepuffs, on principle.  
It wasn’t that he inherently disliked Hufflepuffs, nor was it due to the fact that he thought Divination was a waste of time (which, incidentally, he did). It was the strange, grating combination of senseless Hufflepuff enthusiasm combined with a topic that was so thoroughly useless.  
As he walked to the Divination classroom and climbed the ladder to the small, cramped attic that always smelled distinctly of mothballs, he admitted to himself that his dread of this particular class had something to do with one Hufflepuff in particular.  
Taemin didn’t hate Jonghyun. On the contrary, he found Jonghyun’s spastic revelations a welcome break from the incessant academic competition of Ravenclaw house. However, Jonghyun’s new relationship had made him insufferably happy, and Taemin was not about to abide by that shit. Not. At. All.  
Taemin pushed open the hatch to Trelawney’s Divination classroom and found a seat on the floor near the back. As the room filled with students, Taemin furtively unpacked his books and prepared himself for a mindless block of theoretical nonsense. As he removed his quill and parchment, a familiar form plopped into the seat next to him.  
“All right?” quipped Jonghyun cheerfully, and Taemin cursed whatever god had brought the Hufflepuff into his life.  
“Are we ready to take a look into our inner minds?” Professor Trelawney smoothly began from the beginning of class, adopting what Taemin privately referred to as her “mystic garbage” tone of voice. Taemin hated that voice, though in fairness at that moment Taemin hated everything.  
Especially Jonghyun.  
“Do you have an extra quill I can borrow?” Jonghyun stage-whispered.   
Taemin shot him a dirty look. “No,” he replied shortly.  
If Jonghyun noticed the terseness in Taemin’s voice, he chose not to mention it. “Okay,” he whispered back, shooting Taemin finger guns and winking.  
Kill me, said Taemin’s inner monologue.  
“Please open your books to page 258 where we will continue our last lesson on the power of our third eye,” drawled Professor Trelawney. Taemin wanted to stab her third eye...if only he could locate it.  
“Are you okay?” asked Jonghyun, a little too loudly. Taemin shot him a dirty look and gestured for him to be quiet. Jonghyun widened his eyes emphatically and formed a circle with his thumb and index: the universal symbol for, “Are you okay or are you secretly upset about my amazing new relationship that’s driving you and everyone else insane?”  
Or so Taemin believed.  
Taemin waved dismissively and pretended to be intently focused on whatever the bespeckled madwoman at the front of the class was prattling on about. What was even the point of Divination? Out of the corner of Taemin’s eye, he saw Jonghyun gesture to Hannah Abbott who procured a quill for him.  
Good for him, Taemin thought vindictively. Jonghyun started frantically writing on his parchment with an intensity that was quite uncanny. Oh, so he is literate, Taemin furiously thought, though he immediately felt guilty.  
Jonghyun slid his parchment in front of Taemin. It read, in comically large block letters, “ARE YOU OKAY, YES/NO.”  
Jonghyun was an idiot.  
Taemin wrote a third option next to the large “YES/NO” boxes which read “Kindly shut up, I am very busy and important,” circled it, then slid the paper over. To his credit Jonghyun barely reacted at all, flipping the parchment over and putting quill to paper one more. A minute passed. Then two. Then five. Taemin slowly realized that Jonghyun was writing a short novel of a message and resolutely chose to ignore him.  
Finally, after agonizing minutes of quill-scratching noises and Trelawney’s incessant drone, the paper slid back over. It read,  
“DEAR TAEMIN,  
HI TAEMIN! IT’S YOUR FRIEND JONGHYUN. FROM DIVINATION CLASS. ANYWAY, I’VE NOTICED THAT YOU’RE NOT VERY HAPPY THESE DAYS AND I THINK IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE OF ME. IF THAT’S THE CASE, I’M REALLY SORRY! I THINK YOU’RE GREAT, AND SO DOES MINHO (HE’S IN GRYFFINDOR, DO YOU REMEMBER HIM? HE IS MY BOYFRIEND, AND ALSO YOUR FRIEND.) MINHO THINKS THAT YOU MIGHT BE SAD ABOUT ONEW --  
(Taemin choked a little upon reading this....first Amber, now Minho and Jonghyun? Did everyone know about his pathetic crush??)   
“-- ABOUT ONEW, AND IF THAT’S THE CASE I JUST HAVE TO SAY SORRY. I KNOW SEEING MINHO AND I TOGETHER (WHILE AWESOME FOR ME!) CAN’T BE EASY FOR YOU. I REMEMBER WHEN I LIKED MINHO BUT NOBODY KNEW ABOUT IT --  
(Taemin scoffed at this. Apparently obvious infatuation was an epidemic in his friend group.)  
“ -- ABOUT IT, AND IT REALLY MADE ME SAD TO WATCH OTHER COUPLES. I DON’T REALLY KNOW WHY. BUT I GET HOW YOU FEEL, AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I’M ALWAYS YOUR FRIEND, NO MATTER WHAT. HEY! DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE FUN TO GO INTO HOGSMEADE TOGETHER? MINHO HAS QUIDDITCH PRACTICE DURING THE NEXT HOGSMEADE TRIP AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN IF YOU AND I WENT TOGETHER. YOU CAN TELL ME ABOUT ONEW AND HOW PRETTY HIS HAIR IS (I ASSUME YOU FEEL THIS WAY BECAUSE ONEW REALLY DOES HAVE NICE HAIR).  
IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK, I AM HERE AND I LOVE YOU. FROM, JONGHYUN KIM, HUFFLEPUFF...SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.”  
Taemin blinked slowly and realized with mild horror that he was on the verge of tears. He looked at Jonghyun, expression softening. Jonghyun smiled softly, grabbed Taemin’s hand and squeezed a little.  
“MOVED BY THE SPIRITS!” barked Trelawney. Taemin’s head snapped forward to the front of the class and he realized that Trelawney was staring at him and Jonghyun with fascination. “Look! The way they’ve connected their physical forms to channel their third eyes more deeply! Shared visions!”   
Horrified, Taemin quickly dropped Jonghyun’s hand, only for Jonghyun to grab it back again. “Absolutely, Professor!” called Jonghyun brightly. “I believe I may even be using my fourth eye!”  
“That’s not a thing, my dear, but extra credit for trying!” Professor Trelawney said, smiling beatifically at her now prize-students. Taemin balked.  
“Who says Hufflepuff’s aren’t smart?” Jonghyun whispered, grinning smugly.  
“Literally everyone,” grinned Taemin, feeling a knot that had been lingering in his chest all semester finally start to loosen.  
Advice from a Hufflepuff. Go figure.  
As Trelawney wrapped up class and everyone began to pack up their bags, Taemin turned tentatively to Jonghyun. “I was going to go to the Great Hall and see if there was anything to eat,” Taemin started slowly. “Would you maybe want to --”  
“YES!!!!” shouted Jonghyun. His enthusiasm seemed to surprise even him, and he clapped a hand over his own mouth in shock.  
Taemin laughed. “Good. Your treat.”  
“Huh? But...free...huh?” Jonghyun stammered, trailing after Taemin with a characteristically confused expression.  
Taemin said nothing, and felt better.


	16. This Room Requires a Keyber

**Amber**

It was a bright, sunny day.

Not that this mattered to Amber as she walked determinedly towards the vegetable patch near Hagrid’s hut on that particular day. On the contrary, the overt sunshine and the smell of fresh grass only emphasized the sharp contrast between the pleasantness of her surroundings and the anxiety lumped in her stomach. Amber walked forcefully, knowing full well that if her steps became softer or less deliberate she would find herself strolling meekly back towards the castle.

Amber allowed her mind to wander towards this alternative, but her feet and body continued nonetheless towards Hagrid’s hut, towards the vegetable patch, and towards the individual who had a penchant for spending his free time there when he himself was upset.

“Stupid...freaking…” Amber muttered to herself as she plodded ahead, fists clenching where they were balled up in the pockets of her cardigan as she failed to articulate the end of that thought to herself. Stupid freaking who? Key, for not realizing she liked him even though she never said anything? Sulli, who actually  _ did something  _ about her feelings (even if, knowing Sulli, they probably weren’t that deep?)

“Amber,” she finally finished, shoulders deflating even as she continued her march. “Stupid freaking Amber.”

As she approached her destination, she spotted a familiar silhouette sitting atop a large tree stump near the edge of the vegetable patch, facing the Forbidden Forest with his back turned to the school and subsequently to Amber. Despite being unable to see his face, she knew exactly who it was.

“Looking for something in particular or are you just guarding the school from centaurs?” she called hesitantly. Even from several feet away, she could see Key’s shoulders tense.

“Oh, so we’re speaking now?” the Slytherin replied without turning around. Amber felt the anxiety in the pit of her stomach intensify.

“I guess I didn’t realize we weren’t,” Amber replied carefully, tone deliberately even as she shifted her weight nervously back and forth between her feet.  _ Left, right, left, right... _ “Did I miss that memo?”

“So you expect me to believe that I just hallucinated the fact that you’ve been avoiding me,” Key replied. 

Amber couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement.

“No, I was just busy,” Amber offered weakly. “You know, school and all that.”

Key scoffed, still refusing to meet her gaze. “‘School and all that?’ That’s what you’re going with, ‘school and all that?’ ‘School and all that’ is the reason you haven’t been talking to me, and I haven’t seen you in days, and everything is weird and awkward when we run into each other?”

“Yes? I mean...yeah. Just been busy. You know.”

“Fine then,” Key continued, “to what do I owe the visit, friend who has not been avoiding me but has apparently been conveniently busy?”

“Just...wanted to...you know…”  _ Left, right, left, right… _

Key finally turned. “Actually, I really don’t,” he said, his steely gaze finally meeting hers. She was expecting him to be angry, but what she saw in his expression wasn’t anger.

He was hurt.

“Congratulate you,” she finished weakly, the small burst of energy she felt as she was walking over to find him disappearing in one lame sentence.

“On what, exactly?” he replied bitterly.

“Um…” she trailed off, panicking and hating the direction the conversation was taking. “You and Sulli.” 

“Me and Sulli what?”

“You know…” Amber continued.

Key’s expression grew more agitated. “Will you finish a sentence?! Me and Sulli, what? I haven’t spoken to her in weeks, but that’s  _ normal  _ for us because Sulli’s a space cadet and I don’t have time for that shit. Now, you and me not speaking?  _ That is weird _ . And now you’re coming down here to congratulate me for something I don’t even understand? What is going on with you, Amber?!”

Amber’s mind went blank. Key and Sulli weren’t a couple? Then why...Sulli…and Krystal...

When pressed later, Amber would swear that there was an audible clicking noise in her brain as all of the pieces of the last few weeks clicked into place and she understood, finally, with perfect clarity, what was going on. “Huh,” Amber said.

“Huh?” Key repeated, tone mocking and agitated. “Huh, what?”

Without thinking, she moved to sit next to him on the tree stump, striding over in several wide steps before he had a chance to react. She sat, pressing herself beside him, grabbed his chin and kissed him.

Key didn’t move.

Key didn’t move, and Amber was mortified but she continued to kiss him. He needed to know that she wasn’t mad at him, that she was sorry they were fighting, that she didn’t even know  _ why they were fighting at all _ . She tried her best to pour all of her feelings of remorse and affection into that kiss, pleading with him in some small way to understand what she was trying to say or what she was feeling.

A strong hand grabbed the back of her neck and Amber’s eyes flew open in surprise to find that Key had wrapped an arm around her and was kissing her back. 

Desperately. 

A small whine of pleasure pulled itself from the back of her throat and they kissed, and kissed, and kissed.

When they finally stopped to catch their breath, Key rested his forehead against hers for a moment before placing small, feather-light kisses on either side of her face.  _ Left, right, left… _

“Am I supposed to understand what all of this is about,” Key said softly, “or are you going to fill me in?” A small smile twisted across his face and Amber felt her stomach settle slightly.

“You’re not dating Sulli, are you?” Amber asked quietly.

“No. Not dating Sulli. Why would you think that?”

“So...I may have thought…I mean, I may….” Amber started, her face heating as she stared at her lap and wrung her hands. Key grabbed them and cupped them between his own, soothing her hands into stillness.

“Adore me? Worship me? Think that I’m too sexy for my shirt?” Key teased, and Amber let out a bark of laughter that was at once relieved, embarrassed and affectionate.

“I mean...yeah,” she said, meeting his eyes. The smile dropped from his face as his expression shifted from amusement to what Amber could only describe as “embarrassed lust.”

“Well...um. That can be arranged, I think…” Key trailed off, struggling to remain confident and retain the upper hand in their conversation.

“Oh really?” Amber taunted, pulling one hand away and poking him gently. “And who might arrange that?”

“Do you still know where the Room of Requirement is?” Key murmured quietly.

“Yes.”

“What are the Room’s feelings on conjuring contraceptives?”

“Only one way to find out.”

With remarkable speed, the couple rose from their seat and made their way towards the castle as determinedly as Amber had made her way towards the vegetable patch only a short while ago.

Though, of course, for entirely different reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! We are now living across the world from each other. But, no worries! We will still be finishing this story. No cliffhangers kids!!!!


End file.
